Ever get to a point in a marriage where you're really nothing more than roommates? That's pretty much where I am at. Totally sucks. And it's not like one of those roommates that you can hang out with and have a great time with, either. He's one of those roommates that bitches about every little thing that you do, that guy who wants to stay up late when you want to go to bed, the one who gets up early when you just want to sleep in, the guy you wish you'd never signed a lease with much less bought a home together with... but the worst thing of all is that you don't want him to move out. You don't know what you'd do without him but at the same time he's making you miserably unhappy. Ugh. I wish I was rich rich rich... I would do what that "Fight the Insanity" woman Susan Powter did one time with her ex, she shared parenting with him but they lived in adjoining houses.
Until that time, I will just go on.. it is really late and I need some sleep. 'Night, bloggers.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Trapped At Home
Jan 3 2008
The wind is starting to kick up, the rain is barely holding off and the TV weather chick says there are 3 systems stacked up one after the other, and Sacramento and the surrouding areas are gonna get pounded. HRH tried to weatherize a little today, putting that foam crap into some of the cracks in the window sills and thresholds. He got a little carried away and the foam stuff was oozing out everywhere. He is totally complaining right now about me being online, saying I need to do this that or whatever. Ugh. He makuh meuh sick. Anywho I am totally falling asleep. Mad props to Great Stuff, the spray foam people -- you rock! What a fun product to mess around with...
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Have a Nice New Year
1:45 am New Year's Day
Well it pays to live in the ghetto... treated to the neighbors firing their handguns off at midnight, Happy New Year! (Quick, duck!) Not as bad this year as it has been in the past, but not exactly a great time.
Let's see, we both want the same thing for a New Year's Resolution (to not be married to each other) and only lack the funds. Oh, well, I wonder how many other really terribly unhappy people stay married because they can't afford to split up? Probably TONS. Not so much as a "Happy New Year" has passed his lips. But oh, the profanity. Start off the new year with the best of the worst, I always say, that way you don't have to wonder how bad it's going to get because HEY you already know! At least the kid is in bed sleeping.
Ran out of gas today. Yeah, I guess he wanted to see EXACTLY how far he could go with the needle on EMPTY before he actually had no more gasoline. So there we are, leaving the bank and we run out of gas at the stoplight. The Boy and I get out to push (HRH is driving, of course) and at first he has his foot ON THE BRAKE. Nice. OK, so he takes his foot off the brake and we have to push the damn thing for half a block because he wants to go to the gas station down the street. Thank God we have some really nice strangers in this town because this guy gets out of his brother's car to help us push this damn SUV down the street. We arrive, the guy waves after all of us thanking him, and HRH hands me a fiver and tells me to go in and pay. Nice. OK so I just glare at him because I can't speak because I am having trouble breathing. He asks the kid to go in and pay. The Boy promptly vomits all over the ground next to the pumps, he is so out of shape and pushing the truck kicked his ass. Disgusted, HRH goes in to pay for himself. In the in-between-time The Boy vomits 3 or 4 more times and then I can't hold it in anymore and visit some nearby shrubs to inobtrusively puke myself. Nice.
He ends up telling us it's our own fault that we're so out of shape that we puked out guts out after "a little strenuous activity".
You know what I'm gonna say to that, right?
Nice.
Well it pays to live in the ghetto... treated to the neighbors firing their handguns off at midnight, Happy New Year! (Quick, duck!) Not as bad this year as it has been in the past, but not exactly a great time.
Let's see, we both want the same thing for a New Year's Resolution (to not be married to each other) and only lack the funds. Oh, well, I wonder how many other really terribly unhappy people stay married because they can't afford to split up? Probably TONS. Not so much as a "Happy New Year" has passed his lips. But oh, the profanity. Start off the new year with the best of the worst, I always say, that way you don't have to wonder how bad it's going to get because HEY you already know! At least the kid is in bed sleeping.
Ran out of gas today. Yeah, I guess he wanted to see EXACTLY how far he could go with the needle on EMPTY before he actually had no more gasoline. So there we are, leaving the bank and we run out of gas at the stoplight. The Boy and I get out to push (HRH is driving, of course) and at first he has his foot ON THE BRAKE. Nice. OK, so he takes his foot off the brake and we have to push the damn thing for half a block because he wants to go to the gas station down the street. Thank God we have some really nice strangers in this town because this guy gets out of his brother's car to help us push this damn SUV down the street. We arrive, the guy waves after all of us thanking him, and HRH hands me a fiver and tells me to go in and pay. Nice. OK so I just glare at him because I can't speak because I am having trouble breathing. He asks the kid to go in and pay. The Boy promptly vomits all over the ground next to the pumps, he is so out of shape and pushing the truck kicked his ass. Disgusted, HRH goes in to pay for himself. In the in-between-time The Boy vomits 3 or 4 more times and then I can't hold it in anymore and visit some nearby shrubs to inobtrusively puke myself. Nice.
He ends up telling us it's our own fault that we're so out of shape that we puked out guts out after "a little strenuous activity".
You know what I'm gonna say to that, right?
Nice.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Sweet Justice
11:30am Sunday Morning
HA! Justice is sweet, and she loves me! Not that I enjoy other people's misery as a general rule, but His Royal Majesty is down with the flu (or something else extremely virulent that makes all ingested food try to leave your body at the same time from any and all available orifices). Sometimes that "Do Unto Others" thingy really comes back to bite you in the butt, eh? While I sit drinking hot coffee, snacking on Rice Krispies Treats and watching football, he lays moaning and drooling in bed with a big bowl of "just-in-case-I-puke" next to him.
Really, I'm not that mean. I have brought him some nice cold 7up and turned up the heat for him. I'm just not feeling too sorry for him right now.
On the good news side, the Boy fixed the computer. I don't know how he did it, but the backspace button is working fine now. I have learned not to ask too many questions when he does such things (I can imaging my laptop in pieces while he fixes it) and so there it is.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Husbands are Overrated
11:35 pm Friday Night.
So I am here to tell you, husbands are truly overrated. Everything they can do we can do better, and the one thing they can do that we can't we can buy something that can do it for us with a lot less mess. I am writing to you from the front porch as the cow's ass I am married to locked me out of the house. I AM NOT KIDDING. He locked me out of the house. I had a feeling asshead was going to do it, too, but he got me to go outside by -- and this is truly henious -- THROWING MY LAPTOP OUT THE FRONT DOOR ONTO THE LAWN. OK. The fact that I am on the porch should tell you whom I value more right this second, the old man in the nice, warm house or MY STUBBORN ASS SELF with my now-broken $1,400 laptop. The backspace button isn't working right.
I am happy to say that HE DIDN'T WIN. Okay, I'm freezing cold and have to pee but I didn't cave in and that's what counts, right? Sooner or later he'll come out to have a smoke and I'll go in on my terms, not his. And at this point in life, isn't that what matters, winning? Small battles, small victories, these are put on a mental scorecard that is tallied at the end of the marriage. If the winner is the one who's died, the loser has to begrudgingly give him/her props during the memorial service. If the loser is the one who's died, the widow/er can start dating at the actual service. Not only that, but if the winner is the one left standing they get to have the yard sale and sell all of the precious objects collected over the years for 25 cents or less. The pair of dress shoes lovingly chosen and worn exactly twice because he never took you anywhere dressy? Put a buck on 'em and watch 'em walk off... His favorite CDs that were always in the car so you could never play music YOU actually liked? Put 'em in the "FREE" box and let the music play! And the list goes on. Seriously, if you think about it, the mental scorecard hardly matters if you're the one left standing. 6,000 points for living longer! Game Over!
So I am here to tell you, husbands are truly overrated. Everything they can do we can do better, and the one thing they can do that we can't we can buy something that can do it for us with a lot less mess. I am writing to you from the front porch as the cow's ass I am married to locked me out of the house. I AM NOT KIDDING. He locked me out of the house. I had a feeling asshead was going to do it, too, but he got me to go outside by -- and this is truly henious -- THROWING MY LAPTOP OUT THE FRONT DOOR ONTO THE LAWN. OK. The fact that I am on the porch should tell you whom I value more right this second, the old man in the nice, warm house or MY STUBBORN ASS SELF with my now-broken $1,400 laptop. The backspace button isn't working right.
I am happy to say that HE DIDN'T WIN. Okay, I'm freezing cold and have to pee but I didn't cave in and that's what counts, right? Sooner or later he'll come out to have a smoke and I'll go in on my terms, not his. And at this point in life, isn't that what matters, winning? Small battles, small victories, these are put on a mental scorecard that is tallied at the end of the marriage. If the winner is the one who's died, the loser has to begrudgingly give him/her props during the memorial service. If the loser is the one who's died, the widow/er can start dating at the actual service. Not only that, but if the winner is the one left standing they get to have the yard sale and sell all of the precious objects collected over the years for 25 cents or less. The pair of dress shoes lovingly chosen and worn exactly twice because he never took you anywhere dressy? Put a buck on 'em and watch 'em walk off... His favorite CDs that were always in the car so you could never play music YOU actually liked? Put 'em in the "FREE" box and let the music play! And the list goes on. Seriously, if you think about it, the mental scorecard hardly matters if you're the one left standing. 6,000 points for living longer! Game Over!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Why Finding?
Finding hard to find items begins as a frustration. You’re unable to just pull something off of a shelf somewhere, or you call around a little to the most likely places and come up empty. Then it’s less an inconvenience and becomes a challenge. You’re not going to let a little something like that thwart your plans or put a project on hold, no way. So you begin to search in earnest. Yellow pages. Internet search engines. Old codgers. No information source is left unturned, no half-remembered conversation isn’t dredged to the surface or your brain until you find it. But then you hit the wall; you know it’s out there, but it’s hiding out. Then forget about challenge, the finding becomes an obsession. Whispering in your ear at the dinner table, tickling your brain-pan the virus of NOT FINDING wends into your nervous system. There comes a time when you go to the professional – you tell yourself it’s not giving up, hiring someone else to find and do for you what you must abandon yourself, but you know. You know it could have been, doggone it, it SHOULD have been! But you’ve admitted defeat, truly, as soon as the smirky voice of the guy you’ve hired says, “You shoulda called me first. It woulda saved youse a lotta time, lady.” Ugh. I hate to lose.
This is what I determinedly sign myself up for daily, and I must admit I love it. Every time I find an item for a client I feel like I’ve won a race. Maybe I have won the race against the “not knowing.” It’s a game I play against the emptiness of ignorance, a battle between the lost and found. And then next time, I’ve got an edge on it.
This is what I determinedly sign myself up for daily, and I must admit I love it. Every time I find an item for a client I feel like I’ve won a race. Maybe I have won the race against the “not knowing.” It’s a game I play against the emptiness of ignorance, a battle between the lost and found. And then next time, I’ve got an edge on it.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Finding Weird Stuff
So, here's the thing; all day long, I find myself looking for weird stuff for my customers. I've gotten pretty good at being able to locate some pretty crazy stuff, not to mention that I end up finding it in more than one place! Between the 'net, the phonebook, and my bottomless brain I'll betcha I can find it for you, too.
The craziest thing this week was actually pretty tame; I had to find a toilet seat warmer. Now, funny as it sounds, there are a lot of folks who really dislike sitting on icy-cold commodes. Not to mention, some people have medical conditions that make a cold toilet seat painful and uncomfortable. I mean, who'd have thought they made such things? This one was remarkably easy, seeing as there are several companies who make them. But which one to pick? What about features and benefits? Price? Can a large person use it regularly without breaking it? These are the big questions that The Stuff Finder gets to look into. Turns out to answer most of these questions you either have to speak Mandarin Chinese, be familiar with icy butts or be a toilet guru. Hmm. I'm not claiming expertise in any of these areas, so I set out to learn... it's all about the can, man.
Faster than calling my friend Andy Wang, real estate agent extraordinaire, and asking him to call Yung Tien Industrial Co., Ltd. in "TA TU HSIANG, TAICHUNG HSIEN, TAIWAN, R. O. C." and asking these pertinent questions about their "Healthy Toilet Seat Warmer" (No More Icy-Touch!), I turned to THE WEB. An American company, Hogue Consumer Products in Paso Robles, California. Turns out there are quite a few different models of toilet seat warmers available to the savvy online consumer. Hogue has a heated model for only $80! A bit distasteful, however, is the "easy to clean" directions, which suggests that the consumer may "quickly release and put it in the dishwasher!" Uh, I have one thing to say about that... WHAT THE HECK???!!! EW, ICK, GACK. What the heck are they thinking?
Other choices ranged in price from a $217 model from Kohler, a well-respected manufacturer of all things bathroom-y to a Brondell heated bidet for a mere $459. My personal favorite was the CleanButt BidetSpa. Yup, you heard it right. Major props to this company for callin' it like it is! I love that you know exactly what these folks are selling; for $649 you can convert your existing toilet into a bidet (for the less cosmopolitan readers out there, that's a butt washer). It even comes with a wireless remote control (!) that, according to the website, adds "a sophisticated grandeur to any bathroom."
The ultimate in toileting luxury is the TOTO Neorest Elongated One-Piece Toilet. With features like an integrated front and rear washing system, heated seat with temperature control, warm-air dryer function, remote-control and integrated air deodorizer you might never want to "get off the pot." Of course, you may not be able to afford to with the $4,125 price tag.
I sure did find out a lot more about heated toilet seats than I ever thought I would. It was enlightening and a whole lot of fun finding out that the potty could be so comfy!
The craziest thing this week was actually pretty tame; I had to find a toilet seat warmer. Now, funny as it sounds, there are a lot of folks who really dislike sitting on icy-cold commodes. Not to mention, some people have medical conditions that make a cold toilet seat painful and uncomfortable. I mean, who'd have thought they made such things? This one was remarkably easy, seeing as there are several companies who make them. But which one to pick? What about features and benefits? Price? Can a large person use it regularly without breaking it? These are the big questions that The Stuff Finder gets to look into. Turns out to answer most of these questions you either have to speak Mandarin Chinese, be familiar with icy butts or be a toilet guru. Hmm. I'm not claiming expertise in any of these areas, so I set out to learn... it's all about the can, man.
Faster than calling my friend Andy Wang, real estate agent extraordinaire, and asking him to call Yung Tien Industrial Co., Ltd. in "TA TU HSIANG, TAICHUNG HSIEN, TAIWAN, R. O. C." and asking these pertinent questions about their "Healthy Toilet Seat Warmer" (No More Icy-Touch!), I turned to THE WEB. An American company, Hogue Consumer Products in Paso Robles, California. Turns out there are quite a few different models of toilet seat warmers available to the savvy online consumer. Hogue has a heated model for only $80! A bit distasteful, however, is the "easy to clean" directions, which suggests that the consumer may "quickly release and put it in the dishwasher!" Uh, I have one thing to say about that... WHAT THE HECK???!!! EW, ICK, GACK. What the heck are they thinking?
Other choices ranged in price from a $217 model from Kohler, a well-respected manufacturer of all things bathroom-y to a Brondell heated bidet for a mere $459. My personal favorite was the CleanButt BidetSpa. Yup, you heard it right. Major props to this company for callin' it like it is! I love that you know exactly what these folks are selling; for $649 you can convert your existing toilet into a bidet (for the less cosmopolitan readers out there, that's a butt washer). It even comes with a wireless remote control (!) that, according to the website, adds "a sophisticated grandeur to any bathroom."
The ultimate in toileting luxury is the TOTO Neorest Elongated One-Piece Toilet. With features like an integrated front and rear washing system, heated seat with temperature control, warm-air dryer function, remote-control and integrated air deodorizer you might never want to "get off the pot." Of course, you may not be able to afford to with the $4,125 price tag.
I sure did find out a lot more about heated toilet seats than I ever thought I would. It was enlightening and a whole lot of fun finding out that the potty could be so comfy!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
